Friday, January 29, 2010

So You Wanna Be A Bitch?

Bitch- \ˈbich\ (noun) 1 : the female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals 2 a : a lewd or immoral woman b : a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse 3 : something that is extremely difficult, objectionable, or unpleasant

Pop culture influences so much…the way we walk, the way we dress, the way we wear our hair, and it most certainly influences our vocabulary. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much bad English become instantly acceptable. I pay close attention to the trends and some I accept others I reject with staunch fierceness. This notion of referring to a woman as a bitch as a positive thing is something I just can’t get with. This term was once considered an insult but somewhere around junior high I noticed that it began to be a term of endearment among my female counterparts. It was nothing for a woman to refer to her girlfriend as bitch in casual conversation and no one get offended. Now, so many of us proudly proclaim it as a sign of strength and success calling ourselves Da Baddest Bitch, The Five Star Bitch, and The Bitch You Love to Hate or The Last Bitch Standing or Dat Bitch. Successful comedienne’s and female MC’s use the term loosely when describing themselves. There’s even Bitch wine and Sassy Bitch wine to wet our palettes. I liken this trend to the use of the word nigger, although not nearly as profane or with such a deep history of degradation and pain. Nigger or nigga, as some say, is now term of endearment or comradery among many African Americans but a heinous insult worthy of a lawsuit or a beat down when used by another race. If we women refer to ourselves as bitches all day long in conversation, music, books and other forms of media and entertainment can we really get mad when it is hurled at us as an insult? Especially, by the male gender. You did say you were his bottom bitch, right?

I wondered if I was missing something, so I searched Merriam-Webster for a positive definition but was left void. Every definition was negative. I even find the use of the word to describe a strong, intelligent woman almost comical because when the term is used to describe a man it means weak, whiny, whipped---anything but strong. So which is it? Are these female bitches strong or weak because someone has it twisted?

Sometimes bitch is used to describe all women in general. Remember Jay Z’s popular line I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. Ladies, at what point do we get offended? Anything hip hop calls us in a hot song we are able to shake our assets to we accept….bitch, tip drill, bust it baby, or ho. Remember the popular club joint “It’s Some Hoes in this House?”. My sisters, at what point do we want something more positive for ourselves? This self-degradation has got to stop. I realize me fighting against the word’s use is probably futile since it’s so widespread now. Kind of like the NAACP burying the N-word. It was resurrected by the masses before the dirt even hit the coffin. So, I’ll just say my piece in this blog, agree to disagree with all my sisters who really think they’re bitches (SMH), and cling to old saying, it’s not what I’m called but what I answer to. I am 100% woman, but I’m nobody’s bitch.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Need A Husband? Learn Chinese.

There is nothing sexier than an attractive, intelligent black man with a banging body. However, according to an ABC News report the eligible black male is an endangered species and more and more African American women are finding themselves husbandless well into their 30’s. Forty percent of black women in America are currently single. According to them, lack of education, unemployment, incarceration and those already taken off the market through marriage has left many of us wondering if we will ever have the opportunity to don that coveted white dress. Being a single black woman and a student of journalism, I didn’t have too great of a panic attack. I know sensationalism sells but after seeing the report I did start thinking. As a child, my prince charming was always a direct reflection of me but what if Mr. Right doesn’t come in a beautiful brown-skinned package? I’m not opposed to interracial dating but I have yet to do it. I can only think of twice in my life I was even asked out by a man of a different race. One was white and the other was Vietnamese. The first was only in town for one day and I was swamped with work and politely declined his invitation to dinner at the Rendevous. Now, I wish I had because he was here doing an article on the late legendary entertainer Rufus Thomas for GQ Magazine and probably would have been a great contact. And who knows--a love connection might have been made. The other was just too young for me. I don’t care what color you are, I wasn’t going to be a college sophomore dating a high school senior. Although, I greatly admired his ambition and adoration of me.

Well, this week the internet is a buzz with the news that China, due to their population control tactics and gender specific abortions, is on a course to having a severe shortage of women readily available for marriage. They estimate 24 million men will be without a wife by the year 2020. I find it sad, laughable and interesting that in their quest to swell the population with what they believed was the more desired, stronger gender, those in rural areas began aborting fetuses once they realized it was going to have a vagina and now more vaginas are exactly what they need. See what happens when you try to do God’s job for him? He shows us who is really in control and makes us look dumb in the process.

What do you think ladies? Are you opposed to flying the friendly skies in order to land a husband? I have a feeling that dating sites are going to receive a huge surge in clientele among the Chinese in an effort to make sure that Chinese men don’t experience what the media says we sisters are experiencing now. So, if you had your heart set on a Mandingo warrior, maybe you should start fantasizing about Jackie Chan, Jet Li or Chow Yun Fat instead. The blending of cultures isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I can almost guarantee you’ll have some pretty babies. I wonder if they like fried chicken and candied yams?

Keep hope alive my sisters. Prince charming does exist but we may have to step outside our comfort zones and perhaps learn Chinese in order to meet him. But I still believe there’s nothing sexier than an attractive, intelligent black man with a banging body.

**After several comments on my Facebook page I feel compelled to point out that this blog was written tongue in cheek. It was meant to give people something to think about. Although Chinese men and African American women getting together may seem like a logical answer several cultural issues would have to be addressed before this could actually happen. However, anything is possible.(-:

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Dating Game

I’ve been told on more than one occasion that dating is a game. Well if that’s true, then I’m losing because I think the game is stupid. It’s not that I don’t understand the rules, I just don’t want to play by them. I don’t understand why if you like someone you have to act like you don’t in order to get them to like you back. I don’t understand why if I have the urge to call someone I’m not supposed to because he may think I’m being too pushy. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I don’t have time for the B.S. I don’t have time for these games.

We’re told in almost every aspect of our lives to be honest with ourselves and what we’re feeling except in dating. In dating, you’re supposed to put on this façade in order to attract someone. Then once you’ve captured their attention, there is this intricate game of cat and mouse and sometimes it’s quite confusing about who’s the predator and who’s the prey. As women, we’re told all these things but none of them guarantee success. Don’t move too fast, he’ll think you’re a slut. Show too much interest too soon, you’ll scare him away. Move too slow, you’ll bruise he ego and he’ll lose interest. But there are no hard and fast rules about what’s too fast, what’s too slow and what’s too much because every man is different. You’re just supposed to trust your gut and what if all you really had that day was a bad bout of indigestion and you get it all wrong?

I’ve come to the realization that I don’t like this game. I want to be able to say I like you and not worry about negative repercussions because either he really likes me or he doesn’t. I want to be able to ask him if he’s seeing someone else and get an honest answer. Cuz baby, I can handle the truth. It’s lies I despise. I want to know immediately if he really cares about me as a person or if he’s just trying to get in my pants. If that’s all you want just say so. It just might be your lucky day or you might get cussed the hell out. Either way, you got your answer without having to take me out on several meaningless dates. I want to be what we were told to be as children…honest and true. I know the world I’m describing doesn’t exist but it should.

I’m not quite sure what happens when you don’t want to play anymore. Do you take down your Facebook page, not answer any phone calls you don’t recognize and when a guy asks you out do you politely decline because you’ve turned in all your playing pieces and folded all your cards. Does that mean I’m going to die alone or does it simply mean I’m just waiting for someone who doesn’t feel like playing anymore either to come along? I guess there are a few rules I haven’t figured out yet or maybe I’m just a renegade because I can’t play by these rules. They don’t make a darn bit of sense to me. I was once told, in business the key is to learn all the rules, break them and then create your own. I don’t think that theory applies to dating and that's too bad because those rules I can get with.