Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Be AWARE of the Married Man

A recent indecent proposal by a married man prompted me to dig this out the vault. I wrote this back in 2006, but it still applies today. I updated it somewhat to reflect 2010 situations, and unfortunately some things never change. Yeah I know women cheat but I have never been approached by a married woman. God forbid that I ever am.

What do former president Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, former NY mayor Rudy Guiliani, former senator Gary Conditt, Rev. Jesse Jackson, basketball players Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant and golfer Tiger Woods have in common? They have all of been the main player in highly publicized extra-marital affairs.

I know it’s nothing new for married people to cheat on their spouses but what has become increasingly obvious is the fact that it has become acceptable behavior. I no longer see a look of shock come across people’s faces when they hear someone is no longer clinging physically to just their spouse. Even with Tiger the shock wasn't the fact he was cheating, it was the number of women he was cheating with. Instead, I hear excuses: a man’s gone be a man, when he’s erect the blood comes from his head and his feet so don’t expect him to think and it’s the woman’s fault. Either the wife wasn’t taking care of business at home or the “ho” threw it at him and it’s a man’s natural reflex to catch it. Now we have the infamous sexual addiction. Whatever!!! Their addiction is the same as everybody else's...They love sex. Most of us just realize you shouldn't have it with anybody and everybody. B.S. I say, B.S. It seems that as long as a man has money and is still caring for his household it’s perfectly ok for him to have a honey on the side. Now don’t get me wrong I know there are plenty of women that have had and are having affairs but men seem to be the ones who keep getting caught with their pants down.

Think back to the Kobe Bryant affair. People were very vocal in their opinion that Kobe’s accused rapist was a gold digging white woman. However, I heard less people stating that if he had told that lady he was a married man and that the chance of him hitting that had the same odds as the New Jersey Nets making it to the Final Four he wouldn’t have been in that mess. Public apologies are nice PR moves but the public isn't who really deserve it. Although I'm sure those who truly look up to celebrities and get disappointed and lose respect for their idols do appreciate the effort. No worries, I'm not picking on Kobe. He is one of many who made that mistake and him and Vanessa seem to be doing just fine. I recognize we all make mistakes. I'm just making an appeal that people try a lot harder when in comes to their marriages.

Tell me, have people returned to the days of old when it comes to fidelity? There was once a time when a man could acceptably cheat on his wife, with no fear of her leaving him because where could a woman with 10 kids, no job and no education go? Absolutely nowhere! But in 2010 when STD’s run rampant, and women have the potential to make more money than a man and take his butt to court to take half of what he earns why is adultery still so commonplace? What type of example are we setting for our young people? We seem to be saying don’t expect to be faithful to one person because you can’t do it. Adultery is wrong so let's stop making excuses! I’ve heard men talk about cheating on their wives as easily as they talk about their occupations and it sickens me. I know it takes two to cheat but that other person, more than likely, wasn’t the one who took the vows in front of God, the preacher, family and friends to love, honor and cherish one another ‘til death do you part. Maybe we need to change them to disrespect, and whore around but continue to provide until I get caught, get another woman pregnant or my wife gets fed up and leaves me.

This all too common practice of extra-marital affairs strikes fear and skepticism about jumping the broom in a single woman such as myself. If I get married will my husband cheat on me and will I and/or my marriage be able to survive it? Every time I hear of someone cheating on their spouse it brings me back to the same question…….why? This is the same person you say you love, but you’re doing something that will break their heart if they find out. Don’t you realize that you are causing possible irreparable damage to your marriage? Yes, your spouse may forgive you and move on with your relationship, but every time you walk through the door at some crazy hour of the morning with the excuse that you lost track of time while hanging with your “friends” your loving husband or wife will be wondering if they are playing the part of the fool in a new day-time drama. That is if this is truly a marriage based on love and trust and not money or convenience. Life is just so much easier when you do the right thing.

I once had a married man, who habitually cheated on his wife, tell me that he loved his wife and although he knew he had steak at home sometimes he wanted a hamburger. I know that we all get bored with the same old thing, but what it boils down to is steak and hamburgers are both made of beef. So go home and work with what you have. Throw that steak in the blender, grind it up, make you a nice juicy patty and throw it on the George Foreman Grill. Or if you don’t want to go that far, if you usually use A1 Steak Sauce try Heinz 57 or Lea and Perrins Worcestershire Sauce for a change. Communicate with the one you love and spice things up a bit! You’ll probably enjoy it even more because there is no guilty conscience later.

We keep saying that the demise of the country is because of a lack of morals caused by the dysfunction of the American family. Well then, why don’t all married people who are engaging in adultery make a pact to exert the energy they use cheating and trying to hide the evidence into making our families stronger? Show our boys how to be wonderful devoted husbands and fathers ‘til death do them part. Be aware married men what you do affects more than just you.

This is just my two cents but who am I? I'm just a woman watching the notion of "family" go down the toilet.

This Week's Lesson: Don't Date Married Men and Don't Cheat On Your Spouse