Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I would like to know what idiot informed a large population of the men on the planet that the way to get a woman to invite you over or entice her to come to your place is to offer to perform oral sex on her. What happened to a date? What happened to cooking dinner, a nice glass of wine or watching a movie? I even had someone tell me they wanted to suck my #$% (insert three letter word that rhymes with pass). That invitation is soo sexy and inviting how could any woman possibly say no. NO THANK YOU BOO BOO BREATH!

I apologize if you find this post vulgar, but I am honestly repulsed by some of the things I’ve heard. Word to the wise fellas: know who you’re talking to. There is power in the approach and how it is executed can breathe life or death into your possibility for further communication with a woman you have an interest in. Yes, every human being enjoys sex but every woman is different and the approach that worked on your baby momma may not work on the woman you met at Starbucks. Some of us still believe in romance, the power of a beautiful courtship, class and a well-worded invitation to a private moment. And some of us are even practicing celibacy. So, it’s going to take more than a sexual offer to pique our interests and you would know that if you take the time to talk to her. And yes, I admit that we can all get a little raunchy at times but for some that comes later---after a certain level of familiarity, comfort and trust has been established. So, it may be a good idea to hold that nasty tongue for a while before you start issuing sexual invitations laced with vulgarity and audible porn. The key to effective communication is to know your audience. If you need some help in the art of properly approaching a woman I suggest you listen for more Luther Vandross. Excuse me miss, what’s your name……. But since you crass gentlemen enjoying using your mouth so much feel free to BITE ME! 

My Top Five Worst Approaches/Invitations….(No joke these really happened.)

5. I am walking down the street and the wind is blowing. I am wearing a dress and the man behind me says, “Lord, please let the wind blow a little harder. Please let the wind blow harder.” Then, he attempts to strike up a convo. He thought it was hilarious. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day because I really wasn’t amused.

4. I am dancing at a party in a cute pair of boots when a gentleman on the side yells at me, “Aye, Puss In Boots! Puss In Boots!”

3. “Look, I know you’re not the type to have sex without a commitment and neither am I but can we just do it like once a quarter or something? Just until my divorce is final.”

2. “You walk like you got some good p%!@y.”

1. “Do you have a consistent penis in your life?”

1 comment:

  1. OMG! I been thinking the same thing lately. I recently visited a singles website and the first profile I pulled up has the pic of a man's penis. Ummmmmm, no thank you. I can't really recall the last time I went on a real date. Being single can be totally frustrating and lonesome. Thanks for sharing your thoughts......