Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Moment



There are at least two pivotal moments that can occur early on in the dating phase. The moment you realize that he is someone you want to make an important part of your life and the moment you realize that you don’t. I would much rather be faced with the first more often than the latter. However, what do you do when you realize that the person you have been keeping company with is not someone you want to continue keeping company with? There are several ways to handle this and each is dependent on how the situation unfolded.

  1. Be honest and tell him.
In most cases I recommend this one, but I know from experience sometimes the thing you need to say is the hardest thing to say. Just because you no longer believe that the two of you are compatible doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It may not even mean that you don’t want him in your life. Although, you would like to transition him to the friend zone. Honesty is the best policy. Tell him how you feel and then, let him make the call on how he would like to proceed. Now if you don’t want him in your life at all, say your piece, thank him for the time the two of you did share, and walk away. If rudeness is necessary try to keep it to a minimum.

  1. Stop calling and/or avoid his phone calls.
We’ve all been guilty of this one. He has done something to turn you completely off and you really have no desire to have further communication with him. Perhaps you're taking Avoidance Avenue because you don’t want to tell him it’s not going to work and hurt his feelings. Unless this man’s faux pas is just obscenely obvious—like you caught him stealing out of your purse, you may be taking the punk way out by exercising avoidance. He may think things are going really well and become totally bewildered by your sudden lack of communication. For some people having closure is a really big deal and they will hound you until they get it and hate you for life if they don't. Before you go this route ask yourself how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. But if he shows up on your job or at your house demanding an explanation do the mature thing---give him one and put this issue to bed. Now, if he’s a total jerk all bets are off….every time his number pops up on the caller ID hit ignore until he gets the point.

  1. Do something you know will turn him off.
This is a classic way to avoid being the bad guy. Instead of telling the person you have been seeing you don’t want to see him anymore or being rude by cutting him out of your life with no explanation, you turn into the date from the psychiatric ward or Nasty Nellie and cause him to run for the hills. Seems like an easy fix and a great way to flex those acting skills but remember this one thing---people talk and the last thing you want to be labeled as is the crazy chick with mad issues or the nasty, funky heifer that doesn't bathe and eats with her feet. If the man of your dreams hears this he might think twice before asking you out.

One moment really can change a lifetime.




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