Thursday, July 7, 2011

Leave Your Money On The Dresser

I’ve never been a fan of friendships with benefits. I don’t care for the gray areas that come with it. What I mean by that is I'm acting like I'm in a relationship but I'm not, so the same definitive rules about how we should behave do not apply. For example, this man and I are sleeping together but IF we spend time together in public I’m supposed to act like we’re just friends (no PDAs, etc.) I really don’t have a right to question who he's with and what he does when he's not with me because we’re not in a committed relationship. Sure, I can ask but he is not obligated to answer. HE IS NOT MY MAN. I'm giving away one of the most precious parts of my being but I’m not supposed to become emotionally attached and even if he and I do spend vast amounts of time together I’m not supposed to look past those times because we probably don’t have a future together.

After a while those moments may begin to seem more like a business transaction than a romance because in order to make sure I don’t get attached he more than likely won’t spend the night. He basically makes a deposit and leaves. Have you ever been there? Did you even get dinner and a movie before sex?  Did he buy you a birthday gift or did you only get a crappy happy birthday text, e-card or maybe even a store bought card? If he’s single, you may even start to ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he want a relationship with me?  Or does he even care about me?” God forbid you make the mistake of falling in love with your bedroom bff. The moment you really know that this isn’t quite going the way you planned is when you start to feel like he should just leave some money on the dresser. That way the lines aren't blurred concerning what is going on between you two. You know it's a business transaction instead of an imitation of a passionate encounter with someone you began hoping would one day realize that you are the one he's meant to share his heart with. The only problem is he hasn't and probably won't.

At some point in your life you come to the realization that your body is valuable and your emotional needs are just as important as your physical ones…maybe even more so. You realize you deserve more than "just sex." No matter how good it is at the time. 

When you sign up for a friendship with benefits know that you may also be signing up for loneliness and emotional distress. Wondering what he does during the time he’s not with you…birthdays, holidays, before he gets to your house, after he leaves, etc.  Wondering who that woman was you saw him with and if he's sleeping with her too. Sure, he told you he wasn't but was it the truth? And why does he have time to go shopping with her when every time you ask him to go out with you, he's busy.  I know everyone doesn’t think like me or feel as deeply as I do. However, if you decide to delve into the realm of friendships with benefits and one night immediately after sex he exits your bed, puts his clothes back on, gives you a quick kiss and tells you he'll call you soon and you find yourself feeling like he should have just left some money on the dresser, I suggest you put up a sign that says CLOSED FOR BUSINESS.

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