Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I Need A Moment

I didn’t know his name
Only a man in a crowd sharing his thoughts out loud
His face, his words, his smile all intrigued me
He seemed nice, he spoke nice, the movements of his sculpted body were definitely niiiiiiiiice
I looked at him harder trying to tell if those outward attributes were an indication of the person within
Were his nice words laced with venom
Was that smile more of a devilish grin
Were those movements part of a calculated plot to deceive
I asked myself why do I think the worst of a man I don’t even know
Why can’t I believe him to be good as easily as I questioned if he is 
I asked myself what happened to that wide-eyed girl who used to believe the positive before assuming the negative
Did she meet too many serpents
Did she taste too many forbidden fruits to the point where it made her ill
I must break this fever and calm these chills
Take several breaths
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale
Now open your eyes and look again at that stranger who has done you no wrong
I need a moment to remember what I used to know

When you find yourself becoming disenchanted with all men because of one man take a break from dating. All men aren't bad. You just ran into the wrong one.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Is He Capable of Cutting Your Grass or Just Cleaning Your Carpet?

I have an older cousin that I seek dating advice from ever so often. He’s not long-winded. His words are usually short and poignant. His latest piece of advice was, “If the man you’re dating sees your grass needs to be cut and doesn’t offer to cut it, get rid of him.” I posted this on Facebook and one gentleman who I respect greatly responded with the comment below.

“Oh that's just preposterous! More times than not the man you're dating is...a date! And just how many men are you dating? If he was more than a "date" then cutting your yard could be part of what he'd do to keep himself in...good graces with you. Otherwise, get a lawn service! Geez! If the woman I'm dating sees that my dishes need washing and doesn't do it, should I get rid of her?”

There’s a big difference between a date and dating. Dating implies that you have seen that person on more than one occasion. You have probably gone out with him several times consecutively. You may have even slept with him. (Although, I don't advise it.) You could possibly be considering entering into a relationship with that person. He is getting to know you and you are getting to know him.

Now that we have defined dating let’s look at this in a different light:

Say the two of you are walking down the street, you trip over your beautiful Red Bottom stilettos and go tumbling to the ground. Oh no! Your companion merely looks at you and waits for you to get up. Or perhaps he says, "That looks like it hurt." He doesn’t attempt to help you regain an upright position or even ask if you are alright…you would be insulted wouldn’t you? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!! You would probably also question if he cares about you and your well-being and if continuing to date him would be in your best interest. The concept is similar with cutting the grass.

Yes, it’s your grass, in front of your house and primarily your responsibility.  It is also your responsibility to make sure you don't fall on your face. However, if a man is truly interested in you, he wants you to be at your best in all levels of your life. If your grass is waist high, why is that?  You haven’t had time to cut it yourself? Your lawn mower is broken? You don’t have the money to pay a lawn service?  Your yard man is ill? Or are you just trifling, lazy and/or cheap? Only you and the man who came to pick you up, noticed that your grass was high and asked you why knows. After you tell him that your yard man has been in the hospital and you haven’t had time to get someone else to cut it pay attention to how he responds. Does he offer to help? Does he pull our his phone and give you the number to his yard man?  Perhaps he says, "If he doesn't get it by next week I got you." If the man in your life sees you need help and does not offer to assist not only with your yard but other aspects of your life that is something that should be duly noted and taken under advisement when deciding whether or not to take your courtship to the next level. Inconsideration and selfishness doesn’t look good on anybody.

Now, ladies ask yourself….have you been washing the special man in your life’s dishes. Why or why not? (-: Consideration and assistance works both ways.