Monday, October 29, 2012

Why You Worried About That Other Chick?



I knew I was in trouble when I asked the handsome young man sitting next to me at the bar if he was seeing anybody and he answered, “Do you like Lil Wayne? I love Lil Wayne."

I wondered where he could possibly be going with that. He let me know quite quickly. 

"You know that song out right now where he says, 'Why you worried about that other chick?'”


“Yes. That’s the one with Keyshia Cole, right?” I responded.

Yeah,” he said. “Why you worried about that other chick?”

I laughed. Buzz kill of the evening. This gentleman previously asked me if I was seeing anyone and I answered open and honestly that I wasn’t but when I asked him I get a Lil Wayne inspired answer. This is the same dude who has tattoos over at least 75% of his body, has at least four children by four different women and talks about sex with no commitment regularly in his songs, right?  Lil Wayne is probably not someone he should be quoting when trying to get at a woman like me. Yet, I was amused that he would go there. At this point I can….. 

      A.  Tune him out because he’s obviously hiding something 
      B. Resolve to take this evening at face value and his advice and not worry about that other chick
      CBadger him until I get an answer
 
I chose option B. It’s obvious he’s hiding someone but I was enjoying his company. He had decent conversation and a nice smile. Besides, I was having a purely innocent exchange while sitting at the bar in some random restaurant. I had no expectations so disappointment wasn't an issue. I think he thought he was being witty with his Lil Wayne response..I’ll just blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol and give him a pass. Now, if he were to attempt to take it a step further and asked me out and I chose the ignore the signs that he possibly had a girlfriend, wife or baby’s momma then I would have to be prepared for the consequences that could incur. However, I don’t anticipate that happening. I’ve never been one for playing the side chick.

So he’s right, why am I worried about that other chick because I probably won’t see him again. Before the night ended he did ask me to accompany him to another restaurant that was hosting a party that evening but I politely declined. He wasn't the least bit upset about my refusal and even paid for my drink and my meal. 

Nice guy....but obviously off limits.

In the words of Keyshia Cole, "I ain't staying..." #thatisall 

It shole is hard being single in the city...LOL



My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday and Someday, Too are now available on Kindle and Nook. Visit her at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.  
 

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Hypocrite or Human?





I recently watched the video of DeVon Franklin (Actress Meagan Good’s husband) describing why he initially became celibate. He talked about how at one point he was ministering to others about not having sex but he was having sex himself.  He was living a lie and cheapening the words that came from his mouth in the process. He became celibate so that he could be a better messenger for the Lord. His obedience has not only blessed his ministry but his personal life. He now has a beautiful woman of God to share his life with as well as a new book.

His testimony made me think about my own battle with fornication and hypocrisy. One thing I never want to be known as is a hypocrite. Everyone at some point in their lives has said one thing and then done another. Sometimes it’s intentional, other times it isn’t. As a child I was told, “Never say never because you may one day find yourself doing what you said you would never do.”  Ain’t that the truth! 

As a college student, I attended Mississippi Boulevard Christian Church and on Wednesday nights we had an amazing youth adult Bible study.  I loved it and it was mainly because of the atmosphere of knowledge and worship set by the youth and young adult pastor, Stacy Spencer, who now serves as pastor of New Direction Christian Church. One day Dr. Spencer pulled me to the side and asked me if I would be willing to lead one of the breakout sessions we usually had after he delivered his weekly message.  During this time, we would discuss in small groups what he talked about and how we could apply it to our daily lives. I have always had a great amount of respect for Dr. Spencer and I still enjoy hearing him speak. I should have been honored that he saw something in me that prompted him to ask me to be a leader among my peers but instead I panicked and stopped coming to Bible study. Why, you ask? Simply put, I thought I was unworthy. One of the topics we embraced regularly was sexual immorality and at the time I was head over heels in love with someone and getting my groove on whenever humanly possible. 

Love is a beautiful thing (oh yes it is!) but when the expression of that love conflicts with your religious beliefs it creates inner turmoil. I couldn’t bring myself to stand up in front of those young people and be a hypocrite. I couldn’t bring myself to say what thus saith the Lord knowing good and well I was doing it…OFTEN! I’ve grown up a lot since then. Although I still don’t believe in doing one thing and saying another, I know that while you are yet in your sin God can use you and change you. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stop sinning, repent and continue to work each day to resist temptation. God continuously calls us to live a life of holiness. What I am saying is don’t let the guilt of your sin keep you from doing work on behalf of the kingdom.  If you mess up at work you don’t quit your job, do you? Of course not, you need that job to survive! You apologize to your boss and your coworkers and do better the next time. Your mistake may have taught you a valuable lesson that allows you to become a better employee. We are human. We make mistakes but our humanity is not an excuse to sin nor is it a reason to separates ourselves from God. God expects more from us. He wants us to acknowledge our sin, repent, use our experiences to help us become better Christians and use our testimonies to sow seeds of hope, progress and the power of His love in others. If you fall, don’t do what I did. I let my sin keep me from helping to lead others to Christ. Who knows what good I could have done for the youth in that Bible Study, as well as myself?

I now write books that encourage sexual responsibility….that includes, abstinence, celibacy and being selective about your sex partners, if you should choose to engage in premarital sex. I know from experience, that everyone isn’t going to abstain but the least you can do is be smart about who you share your body with.

I, myself, have chosen celibacy. I have always been hesitant to share this fact openly because I have no desire to become the poster child for not getting any. However, it seems that God is pushing me to be more transparent. Resisting temptation isn’t easy, but I’m doing well right now. I’m walking the walk I talk and I must say that it feels good to be able to look others in the eye and know that I’m not living a lie nor am I lying to them. They respect me more but I also respect myself.  I enjoy not feeling guilty about my actions. Best of all, I know that I have pleased my Heavenly Father. I am an example of what he can do in your life if you do what thus saith the Lord. Life is good!

Pray for my strength and I will continue to pray for yours. 

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday and Someday, Too are now available on Kindle and Nook. Visit her at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com. 


Friday, October 12, 2012

Is Your Entertainment Screwing You?



As much as I enjoy this song Brandy has clearly defined one of the things wrong with dating today in her hit Put It Down. The chorus states, “If you put it down right like the way I want it, play your cards right, maybe we can fall in love.” She and Chris Brown sing an interesting tale of sex before substance, which has ruined many an uninformed participant. I would rather know what’s in a brother’s head way before he ever gets to what’s in between my legs. If getting a piece of me is the only thing on his mind, then we have nothing to talk about. I choose substance before sex.

Following the lyrics of Brandy’s program, I predict that a woman will become sprung, confusing great sex for love. Eventually, the man will get bored and leave because the excitement has worn off and she presented no challenge. Now she's sitting up in her room all heartbroken. I know what you’re saying…it’s just a song, Jae. But I guarantee there is are women out there shouting HELLS YEAH! when it comes on then challenging some man to put it down before she even knows his first and last name. Think ladies! No worries, I'm not picking on Brandy. There are a plethora of songs, tv shows, movies, and books touting this doomsday message. Remember Sex in the City? Listen to almost any Lil Wayne or Nicki Minage song. They're always praising their sexual prowess/promiscuity. If it's true or not I don't know, but I don't care. Their message isn't one I choose to adhere to. Giving away coochie like election "Vote for (insert name here)" stickers isn't good for anyone.

Don’t get screwed by your entertainment! People make those songs to sell product and they shouldn't be a handbook for how to operate in your relationships. Getting screwed and then feeling as if you've been used and abused is no fun, but it happens every day. Make him get to know you before you give up the goodies.

Well, until next time....remember to love yourself!

Random Thought…Can Kelly Rowland make a hit song that isn’t about sex? ICE..I-C-E. Keep this up she’ll be the modern day Adina Howard. I will be a freak until the day until the daaaaaaawn....LOL

On a more serious note, my ebooks Someday and Someday, Too are now half-off in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Find them on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. Only $3.49 each.  A donation will be given to Race for the Cure and local women's shelter. We have to find a cure and love shouldn't hurt.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday and Someday, Too are now available on Kindle and Nook. Visit her at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.