Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Dear Ray J: Negro Puhleeeeease!

And the Negro Puhleeeeeeease Award for this month goes to Ray J! I’m behind on my current events posts but I just had to add my two cents on Ray J’s latest failed attempt at musical success, “I Hit it First”. If he was going to put out such a tasteless song the least he could do was make it worth listening to. The song is horrible and it is because of that reason it left as quickly as it came. It seems that rather than generating record sales and airplay longer than two days, all it generated was ire and backlash for its creator. Ray J quickly went in damage control mode and claimed that the song wasn’t about Kim. Negro Puhleeeeeease! Sorry sir, but nobody bought that crap! The cover for the single was a pixelated picture of Kim in a bikini. Did you really think that no one would catch that? I think the song is incredible disrespectful to a woman he once loved or at least cared for. It makes me wonder if Kim did something to upset him other than move on and become a huge success. Did she possibly break his little heart? Who knows.

Furthermore, recent reports have stated that Ray J is engaged. If that’s true and if I were his fiancee I would be livid that he was investing that much time and energy into an ex-girlfriend. She should be the only woman he’s singing about. 

In my opinion, the best part of this entire ordeal was that Kim nor Kanye made any public comments about the song. That would only have added fuel to the fire and given Ray J exactly what he wants—attention. Kanye who is known for his outbursts exercised restraint and censorship when it was most needed. As a fellow artist, he could have done a response song and annihilated Ray J since he is far more talented and successful. Although I have a feeling Kanye’s not going to let him get away with this. He’s just being methodical about how he comes for his throat.

Others celebrities have gotten revenge successfully when attacked by other artists. I will never forget when Mariah Carey kicked Eminem’s butt with her hit “Obsessed” as a response to his frequent referrals to their brief courtship.  She even put a character with some resemblance to Eminen  in the video. Later, reports came out that their courtship was brief and the two didn’t even have sex. They must have shared one heck of a kiss for Em to continue to talk about her after she was married to Nick Cannon. That song stayed at the top of the charts for weeks! I’m sure Christina Aguilera and Brittany Spears, two other women Eminem attacked in songs for no apparent reason, jumped for joy.

I hope Ray J finds what he needs to be at peace with himself. The song made him appear jealous, immature, petty, and bitter. It also makes you wonder if he did release their sex tape to catapult his career, which he denies. If so, it backfired and made Kim and her entire immediate family a multi-million dollar sensation and him that dude she used to mess with. I guess his reality shows “For the Love of Ray J” and “A Family Business” wasn’t enough to quench his thirst for entertainment domination.

So, Dear Ray J: Just like every man who is still rocking cornrows, I need you to let it go and move on to something else. You're too cute to behave so ugly.

Although I don’t like what he did I don’t hate Ray J. Once upon a time I really enjoyed his music. Here’s a some links to a couple of my favorite songs by him, One Wish and the one he did with Lil, Kim, Wait a Minute. They're much better than that garbage he just release,which I refuse to post. You'll have to Google that one on your own.

One Wish

Wait A Minute 

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Visit her at, and

Friday, April 19, 2013

The Gum Test: It Still Doesn't Make Much Sense

I decided to recycle one of my favorite dating posts from back in the day. ENJOY!

 I have always heard people say that the club is not a good place to meet a potential mate. However, I was one of those people who believed that Cupid can decide to draw back his bow and strike two unsuspecting single people at anyplace and anytime. However, as I age I am beginning to think that those other people were right.  Recently, while standing at the bar at a local club and waiting to order an amaretto sour an attractive gentleman asked me if I had some gum in my purse. I had put some in my day purse but when I switched to my adorable black leather clutch for the evening I neglected to deposit it in the new bag. I politely informed him that I did not have any and after this revelation this gentleman who doesn't know me at all felt the need to school me in purse preparation. The convo went something like this.

Him: “A lady is always supposed to have some gum, mints or candy in her purse.”

Me: “Oh really. Why is that?”

Him: “A woman is supposed to have those things in case her man needs them. He might need to take care of his breath.”

Me: “Well, why can’t he supply his own gum since it’s his breath?"

Him: “You’re supposed to have it.”

I could tell this was going to go no where so I decided to let him believe that mess instead of debating the issue. I really wasn't in the mood. He was cute, yes…..stimulating, no.

I then proceeded to watch him order a shot of Patron and a Corona. While waiting on his drinks he makes that same idiotic statement again. I just said, “ok” and hoped the bartender would give him his drinks quickly because this "lecture" had gotten old really fast. The bartender hands him his drinks and right before he turns to go he turned to me again and said in a serious tone accompanied by a most serious face. “For real tho’ a woman is supposed to have gum in her purse. Some men use that as a test.” A test for what? I thought but instead of making the inquiry I replied, “So, if I fail then what?” He shrugged and said, “Then that’s on you,” and walked away.

I have a feeling that I had just been given the gum test by this strange but attractive man and failed. Maybe he looked so serious because he was disappointed? I really don’t care because if that’s his way of selecting women then we’re probably not very compatible.  I prefer a more complex test like his ability to hold an intelligent conversation without staring at a woman's breasts or whether he says something about sex right off the bat. However, I would still like to know what unscientific conclusion he could possibly draw from whether or not a woman has gum in her purse. The only logical answer I can come up with is it makes it highly unlikely her breath is funky? I've never been very good at thinking like a man. Maybe I should get Steve Harvey's book to get some insight. 

No wonder so many people are turning to online dating!

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Visit her at, and  

Friday, April 12, 2013

Celibacy IS NOT A Dating Death Sentence


I recently read a column in The Root concerning a young lady who was seeking advice from Life Coach Demetria Lucas as she struggled to remain celibate. I like the advice Ms. Lucas gave. However, I found myself feeling a little cynical of the writer as I read it. She seemed to see celibacy as some type of dating death sentence and claimed her celibacy was the reason she hadn't had a date in years.

I know it isn't easy. Resisting temptation rarely is. If it was easy everybody would do it, but the fact is that when a person decides to become celibate they do so for a reason. Those reasons should not only align with your faith but your personal happiness. Why do it if you are going to constantly complain about how hard it is? You are defeating the purpose. That's like becoming a Christian then always whining about your life is boring, you never have any fun anymore, you hate giving a portion of your income to the church but God is good! Hallelujah! (Insert praise dance here) Makes no sense, right?  You can't draw anybody to Christ like that! If you are celibate, you can't experience spiritual enlightenment and grow closer to Christ like that. You can't become a shining example for why celibacy can be a good thing like that. You also darn sure can't attract a mate like that. Someone can detect "unhappy with myself", "I got issues and should be in counseling", and "upset and horny as hell cause I ain't getting any" pretty quickly.

I am not without sympathy for the plight of the writer. I have moments when I question my decision to become celibate, too. I even considered giving it up myself. It's not for everyone. However, I always come back to the peace I have gained from being in the will of God and the wisdom and clarity I experience when my dating judgement isn't convoluted with the sexual high you get when a brother is laying it down better than a railroad worker lays tracks. I don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancies and STDs. Not to mention, it's the best repellent for men who just want to hit that I know.

Celibacy doesn't prevent you from getting a date. I rarely have a problem with getting a date. They won't all be prime candidates for marriage but you may get some great conversation and company from them. That's going to happen whether or not you are having sex. Also, there are celibate men out there who will respect your decision because they are walking along the same path.

Bottom line...God loves a cheerful giver whether it's your tithes and offering or your body. Can I get an Amen?

My advice to her is re-examine why you became celibate. If those reasons are no longer valid and you are miserable do what you feel you need to do to be happy. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your decision. God still loves us even when we sin but that should never be an excuse to induldge in sin. We will all be judged for our actions.

Read the column for yourself,

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Visit her at, and