Thursday, September 5, 2013

Eight Reasons You Shouldn’t Have a Threesome

It's been a while and I decided to do something lighthearted tonight. Enjoy!

If you actually pay attention to the so called sexperts anything goes as long as you wear a condom. Well that's a lie from the pit of hell if there ever was one. Here are eight reasons that one on one is in everybody's best interest.

1. That’s one extra person you’ll have to kill in order to keep your secret safe.

2. If you get a STD you will have to cuss them both out and one of them probably won’t deserve it. You also give the person who did give it to you the option to deny it and lay the blame on the other person.*

3. That will be two other people in the locker room giving the play by play of your sexscapade instead of the usual one. In my opinion, if a man will willingly share you he doesn't love you. Protect your rep!

4. If you opt not to kill them that’s two people you’ll have to bribe or blackmail to keep your secret safe.

5. If you die the next day (or during or immediately afterward) there’s little to no chance you can convince God that you accidentally slept with two people at the same time. I suggest you incorporate drugs and alcohol in there somewhere but you still probably won’t make it into heaven. Stay away from gasoline draws!

6. If you get pregnant and don’t know who the father is you might as well stamp whore across your forehead. Defend your actions all you want but that is what everyone will be thinking as soon as you share why you don't know who yo baby daddy is. Appearing on Paternity Test Tuesday, Maury and Jerry Springer don't

7. That’s just nasty! You don’t share toothbrushes, underwear, washcloths, drug needles, and sex partners.

8. If you make a video it will probably get leaked on the internet about the time you're up for a promotion, about to run for public office, get married, or answer you calling from God.  #hatersgonehate

##BONUS 9. One of them may be selfish and or crazy. (See article above.)

*Do your homework....not all STDs are spread by an exchange of bodily fluids. Some can be spread by merely having contact with your skin. Meaning condoms don't protect you from everything.

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