Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Art of the Brush Off

We’ve all experienced it or had it done to us, the brush off. That moment when a person we were interested in no longer seems interesting and we plan a method to end all communication. Or vice versa…that guy you are into is no longer into you and it has become painfully obvious. There are usually three ways people enact the brush off.   
1. IGNORE:  That is when phone calls, texts, emails and social media messages go unanswered or the answers are very short and vague.

This is an evasive and rude but effective way of letting someone know that further communication will not be instituted. The only thing a person can do is accept it and stop trying to communicate. It is human nature to want closure but whether he talks to you or not the end result is the same. Besides, he will probably enact method #2 and just piss you off. Delete his number so you won’t be tempted to keep calling and spend time calling a man who wants to talk to you.

2. LIE:  I’ve learned that when it comes to the brush off rather than tell the truth most people would rather lie. I’m just not that into you, or I don’t think you’re very bright just doesn’t seem like the right thing to say because people have feelings. And let's face it, some people are crazy and may react with hostility, tears, or violence. Here are some examples of lies:

“I’m going to be really busy with work over the next few weeks so you probably won’t hear from me.”

Translation: Don’t call me because I’m not going to answer and I most definitely won’t be calling you. As a matter of fact, delete my number.

“Yeah, me and my ex decided to work things out but it was really nice meeting you.” Then you see them at an event all up in several women’s faces. 

Translation: I don’t like you. Accept it and move on without causing me any drama.

“It’s not you, it’s me. I’m going through some things right now and I don’t think this would be a good time to bring somebody new into my life.”

Translation: You aren’t the one and I won’t waste any more time on you.

3. SEMI-HONESTY: This one uses a clever play on words to let the person know you aren’t into them with as few bruised feelings as possible. No one likes awkward conversations or having to explain why they don’t think it’s working but sometimes it’s necessary. Especially, when you want to be clear that you don’t want to continue dating and/or communication. It can also be called tactful honesty.


“I don’t think you and I have very good chemistry. Every time we hang out there is very little conversation and when we do talk it seems forced. I think you are a really nice guy and I hope you find a woman you can communicate with better.”
Translation: When I’m with you, you have nothing to talk about and I’m tired of being bored out of my freakin’ mind.

“I am not looking for anything serious right now and it’s obvious that you are. I don’t want to waste your time.”
Translation: We just met and you already have us walking down the aisle. I have a feeling you are crazy and I need to run now!

Everyone is not going to be compatible with you and the point of conversing and dating is to get to know someone in order to determine if the two of you are. It can be disappointing when things don’t work out. However, what I have learned is that everything happens for a reason. God has a way of moving people out of our lives that don’t need to be there. If you find yourself being brushed off instead of wondering what’s wrong with me or I’m freakin’ perfect, how could he not want me? accept that he’s not the man for you. Then, let him go so that there is open space for Mr. Righteous to step right on in and sweep you off your feet when the time is right. Because you are freakin’ fabulous and you deserve someone who treats you that way.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. She will release Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 in February 2014. Visit her at, and  

Monday, January 13, 2014

Moth Balls and Bounce

I recently discovered that mice were coming into my garage and feasting on the contents of my trunk. I was alerted to this fact when I took my mother to dialysis. Imagine my surprise and disdain when I popped the trunk  and retrieved the bag I keep in there with her blankets, so she doesn’t get could during her treatment, and noticed that it had holes all in it. Those pesky suckers had eaten through her bag, gnawed on her blanket, destroyed her disposable underwear along with several book promotional items I keep in the trunk. They even gnawed the rubber on her wheelchair. By the grace of God they didn’t touch my precious books. I know that was nobody but God. Because I would have cried right there in the parking lot if they had. As an independent author, I spend thousands of dollars ordering my own books so I can sell them. So, they are valuable to say the least. 

However, now I have a problem that I need to fix before those spawns of Satan damage more of my precious belongings and my engine. This whole ordeal reminded of one of the things I HATE about being single. I have no help when it comes to matters such as this. I would have loved to have been able to call my husband and relayed what happened only to have him say, “No, worries. I got this babe.” But I can’t. I have to put on my big girl panties along with my shirt with MK on my chest and get to work. No, that does not stand for Michael Kors. It stands for Mouse Killer. I bought some mouse poison and put it out. However, two evenings later when I went to the garage to pop my hood to see if I could figure out why my automobile was running funky that day I saw a mouse on my engine, specifically my wires. I did what any woman would do. I screamed and slammed the trunk shut. After freaking out, I calmed myself, put on my big girl panties, threw back on my MK shirt and went to consult my trusted friend the Internet. I found two suggestions that many people found successful when trying to keep critters away from their cars: moth balls and dryer sheets, particularly Bounce because it has a strong scent. I immediately took my tail to Dollar General and bought both. I came back home and put the moth balls in my trunk, around my garage, and in my engine. Then, I spread some dryer sheets around my engine. I removed them in the morning before I left for work. I put them back on when I got home. I do that each day and so far, it seems to be working. Laugh if you want. Judge me if you want. I don’t care. It’s my garage, my car, my fix.  I have also arranged to have my handy man come cover the places where the mice seem to be gaining access to my garage. Money I would rather spend to get my hair done and my eyebrows waxed. 

To all of you single women out there who say you don’t need or want a man, you can have that. I want some help. Yeah, yeah, yeah I want someone to love me, hold me, tell me I’m beautiful but I also want someone to take out the trash, rub my back after a hard day, and investigate things that go bump in the night. I am tired of climbing up on a ladder and cleaning out my gutters and cutting my own grass when I’m short on funds and can’t afford to pay the yard man or I just don’t want to give my money to the yard man. I prefer not to have to wash my own car when I don’t want to pay the guy on the corner $20 to do it. Oh, add another $5 if I want wax. Those of you who get lonely and reach for a vibrator or make a phone call to that fool who you wouldn’t marry if he were the last man on earth but he’s fine for a good lay, you can have him too.  I am done with temporary fixes. I need to be able to roll over and tap the shoulder of that sexy man lying next to me who stood before God, my pastor, and my family and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. 

But until he arrives, I’ll keep plenty of moth balls and Bounce. Keep hope alive my sisters.  I know God still answers prayer. Don’t worry, I am not desperate.  I’m in no hurry because I want the right man but I have no problem acknowledging that I want/need a man. Unlike so many of these I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women I run into. I know there is a wonderful man out there who would love just to come home to lil ole me so I can remind him to take out the trash before I take him to the bedroom and make him say my name repeatedly.  

This is satire, sarcasm, vented frustration, and more rolled up in an entertaining blog. Please do not send me any ugly emails about that is not what a husband is for. If I made you laugh or held your attention that’s all that matters. You use your fantasy man for your selfish purposes and I will use mine for mine.   

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. She will release Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 in February 2014. Visit her at, and 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

I Crave Substance

It’s a new year!! I don’t know about you but I don’t have any lofty goals regarding my love life in 2014. Actually, I have resolved to spend more time on my business endeavors and less on my personal affiliations. I’m sure I’ll still date but if a man wants to get my attention he’s got to throw something of substance my way.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t give a crap about expensive toys. I live in a house that is almost as old as I am but has been well taken care of. I drive an old car that is paid for in full and runs well (most days). I buy most of my clothes at consignment shops and thrift stores and receive compliments on them all the time. I am far from a techie, and I am woefully behind on the latest developments in the industry. I still have the first iPod that was invented and if memory serves me correctly I bought the desktop computer in my office in 2001. In short, I LOVE saving money. If it ain't broke, I don't replace it.

However, I have nothing against people who have to have the latest and greatest in everything. If it makes you happy and you can afford it--by all means buy it and if you can’t don’t be stupid. Get your money up and stop going in debt and stressing yourself out over something you probably won’t even want three years from now. Anyway, I do have a problem with people who feel the need to brag on and flaunt their things. I have always believed that true swag, beauty, style, etc. is validated by others not oneself. If you got it going on people will see it and they will compliment you and comment about how blessed you are. Can I get an AMEN?

One weekend, a man in a nice car pulled up behind me at the grocery store and asked if he could have a few moments of my time I didn’t think much of it because that has happened before. I politely obliged. However, during our conversation he felt the need to tell me that he was well off , his kids are grown, and that the car he was driving was a 2012 Camero. I must say I winched. I gave him my number anyway because he was very polite and seemed quite sincere about getting to know me. In other words, he seemed nice. However, I had another wincing moment when he left me a voicemail and reminded me of who he was by referring to his car. He could have just said his name or that I met him at the grocery store and I would have known exactly who he was. I get my fair share of play but not so much that I forget who I met within the span of 24 hours.

Why do people do that? Has the world become so superficial that people would rather tell you about their contents than their character? I hope this is not the norm because if it is I just might be single forever.

I want to hear intelligent conversation. I want to hear about his charitable contributions and volunteerism, how spending time with his kids is the highlight of his day. I want to hear about the last book he read that wasn’t erotica or a ghetto hood novel. I want to hear about his hobbies, hopes, dreams, and fears. Maybe next time he calls we’ll get to broach one of those topics.

I crave substance and that is something money can’t buy.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. She will release Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 in February 2014. Visit her at, and