Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Art of the Brush Off

We’ve all experienced it or had it done to us, the brush off. That moment when a person we were interested in no longer seems interesting and we plan a method to end all communication. Or vice versa…that guy you are into is no longer into you and it has become painfully obvious. There are usually three ways people enact the brush off.   
1. IGNORE:  That is when phone calls, texts, emails and social media messages go unanswered or the answers are very short and vague.

This is an evasive and rude but effective way of letting someone know that further communication will not be instituted. The only thing a person can do is accept it and stop trying to communicate. It is human nature to want closure but whether he talks to you or not the end result is the same. Besides, he will probably enact method #2 and just piss you off. Delete his number so you won’t be tempted to keep calling and spend time calling a man who wants to talk to you.

2. LIE:  I’ve learned that when it comes to the brush off rather than tell the truth most people would rather lie. I’m just not that into you, or I don’t think you’re very bright just doesn’t seem like the right thing to say because people have feelings. And let's face it, some people are crazy and may react with hostility, tears, or violence. Here are some examples of lies:

“I’m going to be really busy with work over the next few weeks so you probably won’t hear from me.”

Translation: Don’t call me because I’m not going to answer and I most definitely won’t be calling you. As a matter of fact, delete my number.

“Yeah, me and my ex decided to work things out but it was really nice meeting you.” Then you see them at an event all up in several women’s faces. 

Translation: I don’t like you. Accept it and move on without causing me any drama.

“It’s not you, it’s me. I’m going through some things right now and I don’t think this would be a good time to bring somebody new into my life.”

Translation: You aren’t the one and I won’t waste any more time on you.

3. SEMI-HONESTY: This one uses a clever play on words to let the person know you aren’t into them with as few bruised feelings as possible. No one likes awkward conversations or having to explain why they don’t think it’s working but sometimes it’s necessary. Especially, when you want to be clear that you don’t want to continue dating and/or communication. It can also be called tactful honesty.


“I don’t think you and I have very good chemistry. Every time we hang out there is very little conversation and when we do talk it seems forced. I think you are a really nice guy and I hope you find a woman you can communicate with better.”
Translation: When I’m with you, you have nothing to talk about and I’m tired of being bored out of my freakin’ mind.

“I am not looking for anything serious right now and it’s obvious that you are. I don’t want to waste your time.”
Translation: We just met and you already have us walking down the aisle. I have a feeling you are crazy and I need to run now!

Everyone is not going to be compatible with you and the point of conversing and dating is to get to know someone in order to determine if the two of you are. It can be disappointing when things don’t work out. However, what I have learned is that everything happens for a reason. God has a way of moving people out of our lives that don’t need to be there. If you find yourself being brushed off instead of wondering what’s wrong with me or I’m freakin’ perfect, how could he not want me? accept that he’s not the man for you. Then, let him go so that there is open space for Mr. Righteous to step right on in and sweep you off your feet when the time is right. Because you are freakin’ fabulous and you deserve someone who treats you that way.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. She will release Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 in February 2014. Visit her at, and  

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