Monday, June 9, 2014

Pastor, Who You Calling A Hoe?

I recently had a conversation with one of my girls about the influx of hip hop music with negative messages about women currently being played on the airwaves. Here in Memphis, you hear "These Hoes Ain’t Loyal,” “Bitches Be Like,” and one more that I can’t remember right now. Probably because my psyche blocked it out for being void of any intellectual value. However, these songs and others are in heavy rotation on radio stations across the nation. I made the comment to my girl that if I didn’t have high self-esteem I may have committed suicide by now. Maybe I am expecting too much from artists but I can’t help but believe that at some point it will dawn on them that these messages aren’t positive nor are they sowing good seeds into our communities. Yeah, I could take the high road and say, They're not talking to me because I'm not a bitch or a hoe but last I checked most of those songs, entertainers, and men make no distinction. All women get clumped into that category and sadly, many women don't either. So, allow me to get offended for those who don't know any better. 

When I heard that famed Pastor Jamal Bryant quoted the lyric, “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal” in a recent sermon disappointment flooded my spirit. Eh too Brute!  I’m all for being relevant, but I don’t go to church to hear women referred to the same way hip hop artists and R&B artists do in songs that people shake their scantily clad behinds to. I actually HATE hearing cursing in the pulpit. It always disturbs my spirit. People make the assumption that most African Americans grew up listening to profanity. I didn’t. I never heard my mother curse until I was an adult. Any profanity I heard was outside of my home. I won’t lie; I let a few words fly from time to time but I would never do it in church. I don’t do it around children and I don’t do it around the elderly. For me, it’s all about respect. Respect for God’s house. Respect for sensitive ears that I want to fill with positivity and little mouths I want to set a good example for as they often mimic what they hear.  And respect for those who have come before me. But also respect for myself and the way people perceive me. I learned in college that men don’t like women who curse a lot. I’m still single so I need to do as little as possible to turn a brother off. LOL Better still, I can take it a step further, I am still Ms. Lillie's baby girl and she didn't raise me to have a foul mouth. RESPECT!

I just wish that respect would transfer to men who help to shape pop culture and our youth. I need them to realize that degrading women is a horrible way to sell records. Now, it seems that I need to add that it’s a horrible way to get Amens in church. Be careful of what you speak because our youth are listening. Yes, they have probably heard it before but in my opinion, there is no justifiable reason why they have to hear it from men who are called to preach the word, too. Using those words in the pulpit makes it seem like it is okay to use them to refer to women in such terms. It isn’t. Some say they do it to make a point. Well, I believe that as a theologian, the use of words to prove a point should come quite easily. So, I am sure another word selection that does not include profanity can be found to make that point.  And don't come at me with that it's in the Bible crap. The Bible referred to prostitutes as harlots. I seriously doubt Chris Brown was referring to prostitutes because no one expects them to be loyal. It's a given that they follow the money. Therefore, making them most unworthy of a song.  Sometimes, I think we as Christians become so consumed with trying to entice people who are in the world to come out of it by trying to "meet them where they are," that we invite too much of the world into our hallowed places of worship. Drop the hoes and bitches please. While you are at it, Ladies.....cover up the cleavage, lengthen the skirts and loosen up the pants. You are in church, not the club. God made you. He's already seen everything you are working with so there is no reason to put it on display. I'm so glad you came to the house of worship. The Bible does speak of a flesh offering, but I am sure that is not what was meant. Do come back again. RESPECT!

That’s my buck 50. I hope you split it up to make change to distribute to others. 

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 on or Visit her at, and

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