Monday, July 28, 2014

Say No, No To Nudes

Hot damn yo here we go again……. Another silly chick got caught showing skin!


I’ve addressed this topic before but because of the influx of recent news regarding women who have had nude pictures and videos leaked on the web I have decided to revisit. I’m sure you’ve heard by now how Benzino’s fiance√©,  Althea Heart, of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta has had pictures and a sex tape of her leaked and they are now circulating the world wide web. I am not without sympathy when such things happen, but I’ll be honest, I have very little. Some people like to refer to the leaking of private photos/videos as sexploitation and refer to the women in the videos as the victims but I don’t see it that way. Such acts may be some cyber bully’s plot to defame their character but I consider them victims of their own foolishness. If women don’t take or send pictures or agree to participate in a video it won’t happen. Society has brainwashed women into believing that in order to entice, get, or keep a man we have to objectify ourselves and show him our goodies electronically as well as in person. The devil is a lie!

It may seem like a fun and exciting thing to capture those playful moments with your lover but unless you plan on becoming a porn star it probably isn’t a good idea. Why? Because after you’ve yelled cut and put your clothes back on who knows where that documented moment will end up. Someone could steal your laptop, you or your lover could lose your phone or perhaps you are dealing with someone selfish and immature who gets a kick out of showing his intimate moments to his friends. Let’s not forget incidents where women accidentally hit the wrong button and sent videos and pictures to the wrong person. Not too long ago a young lady sent a picture of herself nude to a number she thought was her boyfriend only to realize that she sent it to her FATHER! I’m sure that ended up being great dinner conversation. Click here for that story.  But no matter how the pictures or video is released the end result is the same. Not only will you be embarrassed but so will your family. In some cases, women have even lost their jobs because they caused the company embarrassment and violated the morality clause of their contract. I’ll never forget the elementary school teacher who accidentally burned her sex tape into a video she distributed to her students. The ones who saw it surely got a lesson that day! So, think before you push record because you just might end up being the one who gets played in front of thousands of people you don’t even know. Play it safe and always make nude photos and videos a No, No.  Here’s a few things to ask yourself before you send or agree to participate in photos or videos with nudity.
    1. Do I trust this person enough to be 100% sure they won’t share these photos or this footage with anyone else. Probably Not
    2. Can we both keep them 100% safe? NO
    3. If I ever become famous, decide to run for public office, or file a lawsuit against someone of prominence can these photos be used against me? YES!
    4. If me and this individual ever break up will I get these photos or videos back? NO!
    5. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO!   Do you think Jesus would send you a pic wearing nothing but his beard? Better yet, what do you think Jesus would say if you accidentally sent your nudie to him instead of your man. And no he will not be impressed because he’s already seen your goodies.   
As women, we have enough obstacles to overcome. Especially, in the area of business where we have to scrape, punch, and kick, in some instances, to be treated as equals.  So, it is integral that we protect our integrity, our reputation, and our personal brand.

However, if you are going to participate in sexting play it smart and only send photos like that to your HUSBAND. Notice that I didn’t say your boyfriend you’ve been with for two months or your fianc√© who hasn’t made it to the altar yet but your husband. The man who has stood before God, your family, and a judge or preacher and vowed to love, honor, cherish and PROTECT you. As your protector, he of all people should be interested in protecting your integrity and your ability to make future earnings. But be forewarned, that when going through a divorce love has been known to turn to hate. Secondly, ONLY participate in photos (NO VIDEOS) that you are taking and/or will have possession of (STAY IN CONTROL) and do not show your face and/or cut the head off of each picture before sending. After sending, destroy the originals.  In the event that your phone or another electronic device is stolen they won’t fall into the wrong hands. Now, if you have distinct markings like tattoos, birthmarks, and moles that are easy to identify this will NOT help you. If the pictures end up becoming public property people will still be able to tell that it’s you.

I hate that I needed to put the last paragraph but the truth of it is some of you won’t stop taking pictures naked even if I offered to pay you to do it. Take my original advice ladies and just don’t do it. You can still send cute, sexy, and tastefully done pictures to your Boo without exposing your goodies. It seems the more technologically savvy the world gets the dumber and less responsible the people in it become.

LORD HELP!

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Visit Jae at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Ex That Won’t Be Forgotten (By Others)


Reggie Bush wed his baby mama, Lilit Avagyn, last week. I’m sure they would have preferred that the day be all about them but of course all of the media outlets not only mentioned that he dated Kim Kardashian and how long they dated but they also talked about how much Lilit resembled Kim Kardashian. The media even went so far as to mention the proximity of the birth of their daughter and Kim’s daughter, North West. I’ll admit that they do resemble. There is no denying that. But how many of us have been through a similar situation.  Months or maybe even years after you and  (insert name here) part ways people keep asking about him. They want to know how he is doing. When’s the last time you’ve seen or talked to him? What happened between you two, and if there is any hope for reconciliation? If it was a painful break up such inquiries by people who most times mean no harm don’t help. You wonder when will they let it go? For me, it was my college sweetheart. My family loved him and don’t get me wrong I did too at one time. But when it was over, I needed everyone to move on. I had one particular family member that still asked about him years after our break up and one day when he asked what he was up to I finally said, “He’s probably busy with his girlfriend.” He got the point and never asked about him again.

In the case of Reggie, he and Lilit have been together since 2011 and have a daughter together but people still mention his ex. I’m sure Lilit wishes they would stop because she’s the one who got the man, the ring, and the baby.  Did the fact that she looks like Kim have anything to do with it? Possibly. Or perhaps white women with big boobs and long black hair of Armenian descent are just Reggie’s type.I don't know and I really don't care. If Lilit is okay with the fact that she resembles his ex why is the rest of the world harping on it. I wonder if he's ever made a mistake and called her Kim. However, I don’t see anybody pointing out the similarities between Kanye and Reggie.They are both dark-skinned African Americans with gorgeous smiles who are worth a lot of money. As a matter of fact, Ray J was dark-skinned too. 

Anyway….let it go people. You don’t hear Kim or Reggie mentioning each other. It’s time for the media to stop and let both couples carve out their history together without the constant reminders of past relationships. Congratulations Reggie and Lilit! I wish you years of non-Kim and Kanye comparison happiness but don’t hold your breath. 

And to anyone else experiencing the ex that others won't forget I suggest that you buy several cans of silly string and use an entire can on whoever keeps bringing up ole what's-his/her-face. Make sure you get it in their hair real good!

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Visit Jae at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Know When To Go

 Don't stay where you're not wanted!

You can’t make someone want you. That’s the harsh truth. No matter how much you love them or how bad you want your relationship. When someone decides it’s not working and they no longer wish to put forth the effort to make it work, it’s pretty safe to say that it’s over. It takes two people who are dedicated to one another to work through the problems that arise within relationships.

A few weeks ago I witnessed my neighbor put his hands on a young woman.  Actually, they both look pretty young, either late teens or early 20’s. I don’t condone that type of behavior but I heard him ask her to leave at least a dozen times and she refused. He said, “Gone, leave, go home, go that way,” and similar statements. She still continued to get in his face. Next thing I knew they were involved in a brief tussle that ended with her on the ground telling him to let go of her hair.  I yelled for him to take his hands off her. He did so.  And you know what? After that, she still didn’t leave.  I then yelled for her to go home.  It was after midnight. That was too late for such foolishness and I didn’t want it to escalate into something worse than it already had. At that point, her friend intervened and tried to get her to leave because they were afraid I was going to call the police. My neighbor walked over to the side of his house to get away from her. She followed him. Once again, I yelled across the street, “Young lady go home!” She said, "Okay," but didn't move. He went in the house and instead of leaving, she opened the security door and tried to follow him inside. At least he was smart enough to lock the door. Once, she realized that she was locked outside she and her friend finally left. He should have gone inside a lot sooner. 

I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. Both of them were wrong. He shouldn't have put his hands on her, and she shouldn't have continued to push his buttons when it was clear that he was upset.  It was obvious that he did not want her around at that moment but she refused to go. I don’t know what the situation was. Maybe they had a fight, and he needed time to cool off. Maybe they broke up.  Maybe he met someone else he like better. But at any rate, ladies when a man asks you to leave I suggest you go. I have a philosophy, I don’t stay where I’m not wanted because when you do you usually subject yourself to abuse--whether it be mental, emotional, or physical. He may start to call you names, make other derogatory and demeaning statements, or even put his hands on you in an attempt to get you to leave. Ladies, if you tend to be the aggressor in such situations, like the young lady in this situation,  I suggest you stop. Every man has his breaking point. He could have seriously hurt her if he chose to. Sometimes, all you both need is a little space and some time to think. Maybe he needs to miss you a little bit and reexamine if he really wants you in his life. Leaving could actually work in your favor. If not, tell that man it’s his loss and keep it moving.  There is someone out there who knows how to love and appreciate you.

A little space seems to be all those two needed because this week I saw them walking down the street holding each other.  They say the same biological chemicals that cause feelings of love can cause feelings of madness. I believe it.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Visit her at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.