Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Four Dreaded Words

Four of the most dreaded words for someone looking for a relationship are let’s just kick it. The interpretation is simple:

Let’s do all the things people in a relationship do (in most cases this includes sex) without the benefit or restriction of a title.

I am a firm believer that two people have to be on the same page if any type of relationship is going to work. Often this just kickin’ it arrangement is introduced if both people or one person is in school, working long hours, focused on a long-term goal, just got out of a relationship and they aren’t ready for another one OR someone is a player or has a commitment phobia.Yet, they still want to occasionally experience the emotional and/or physical closeness that comes with being bonded to someone.

HOWEVER, the problem usually arises when one of the involved parties really does want a relationship and went along with the arrangement in hopes of changing the other person’s mind or after kickin' it for a while they began to develop strong feelings for the other person and want to elevate their arrangement to the next level.  

Ladies, my advice is never enter into any type of arrangement with ulterior motives or settle for less than what you really want. Especially, if sex is involved. Often, because there are no titles the man is still seeing other women and having sex with them, too. You, not being the girlfriend, have no real right to demand that he stop. Do you really want to sleep with someone you know has multiple partners? That is dangerous. We all know that emotions can go haywire when sex is involved, especially if it’s good. How are you going to react if you see him out on a date with another woman and he was in your bed earlier that day? He may even grant you exclusivity but will that be enough if you really want a relationship? Maybe at first but after a few months you will be looking for more. Many times just kickin’ it ends in feelings of neglect when the other person isn’t willing to devote the time and attention you want and heartache when you realize the arrangement isn’t going to work in your favor and it’s best that you move on. Although, it’s possible that he will make the decision or you.

As Christian women, remember that your body is sacred. It is supposed to be reserved for your husband and giving it to someone who doesn’t even want to be your boyfriend just doesn’t make good logical or religious sense. It’s a recipe for disaster if you ask me. You have no one to blame but yourself if it doesn’t work out. Besides, if you say you want a good man placing yourself in an ambiguous state with someone who isn't willing to give you their all doesn't really create an environment for you to achieve your heart's desire. Use common sense!

If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, BELIEVE HIM. If he says says he wants to just kick it--RUN! This is one of the few cases where words speak louder than actions. If he treats you like his girl but introduces you as his friend that’s exactly what you are. That's if you ever get to meet his friends. With just kickin it, when it's over, you may actually feel as if you've been kicked.

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Visit Jae at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.

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