Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Behind the Post: Men Don't Really Want A Christian Woman

Behind the Post: This is where I expound on something I posted on social media

I am convinced that most single men don't really want a good Christian woman. They want a freak who is familiar with the word of God. (or something like that)

I don’t think anything conjures up more hypocritical contradictory behavior than religion, dating, and sex. Many a man of the cloth has been subjected to public ruin for succumbing to the flesh. I encounter men regularly who say they want a good Christian woman and when they meet one they ask her to participate in all kinds of acts that would be more fitting of a video vixen.  I think what they really want is a woman who appears to be a Christian in public but when they get behind closed doors will do all the nasty freaky things they fantasize about without the benefit of a ring.  This gives the term "Jesus Freak" a whole new meaning. If that is what a man wants fine, but be honest and say that.

Being a single woman in today’s society truly is a delicate balance. Women are told not to give it up too soon because we’ll look like a slut but don’t make him wait too long because he’ll lose interest. If there are things we won’t do we are told to learn to do it and like it because if we won’t do it another woman will. Very rarely do I hear talk encouraging women to behave like women of God anyplace other than INSIDE the church. Listen to mainstream radio, look at TV and movies and even video games and we are all taking off our clothes off at record speed. 

Yes, I recognized that as human beings we are flawed creatures prone to contradictions. Especially, when physical desires and emotions come into play. However, I don’t think many men realize what they are saying when then say they want a good Christian woman. Or perhaps we women don’t know what we’re saying when we profess to be good Christian women. I’m not saying that we all have to be prudes but as Christian women we are called to exhibit behaviors that are reflective of the Christ who lives within us. This includes a lot more than going to church and singing in the choir. Jesus did not engage in premarital sex, wear revealing clothes or draw pictures of his penis on scrolls and send them to women he found attractive. Yes, I know there is a lot of competition out there from saved and unsaved women alike but what sense does saying something and then behaving like just the opposite make. Oh yeah, we all have needs, right? Trust me, I've been there. We mean what we say when we say it but when we are in that heated moment and he finds our "spot" we may reconsider. What's a girl to do? The answer: Stay prayed up! 

However, there is one area I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with and that is sexting. The invention of texting has ushered in a method sexual communication that’s no farther than our fingertips. Sexting seems to be expected in this new millennium of dating and it is often done with no regard of where those texts and pictures could end up. I’m a writer. So believe me when I say I can conjure up an arousing text that could make a Zane novel look like a bedtime story for teens if I wanted to. Yet, one must realize that sexting is usually a gateway to the physical. Electronic foreplay, if you will.  Think carefully before choosing to participate. At some point you will probably be asked to put up or shut up. I must warn you,  if you should choose not to sext some men may not appreciate your unwillingness to do so. I once told a man that I didn’t do naked pictures because I might decide to run for president one day and his response was simply cut your head off.  I guess it didn’t matter that this was my body that I was sharing over an electronic device or that I didn’t feel comfortable doing so. His only regard was that was what he wanted and I needed to deliver. Another guy I know requested a picture of me and when I sent him one of me wearing a dress I thought looked quite attractive on me, he responded that I looked “churchy”.  Call me naive but I guess I didn’t realize that send me a pic actually meant send me booty shots. Oh well, I tried.  I understand such requests could also be a test to see if I practice what I preach but when a married Christian comedian I barley know sends me a  text requesting that I put on a pair of “pretty panties” and send him a picture I have to question his walk and his judgment.  How about I screenshot that nonsense and put it on Twitter instead? No worries, I wouldn’t. His wife looks very happy in the pics he posts on Facebook. I don’t want to change that. 

I honestly don’t have any suggestions about how to improve this behavior. I’ve really chalked it up to "it is what it is". Individual decisions have to be made. Ladies, we have to decide what behaviors we will and will not exhibit for the sake of getting and keeping the attention of a man. Whatever you decide make sure it is something you and the God you serve can live with. As for the fellas, they need to be careful about what they ask for because they just might get it. The question is, “Is a good Christian woman really what they want or does that just seem like the saved thing to say?”

My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. 


  1. As always, Jae, you have cut through to the heart of the matter! I must say, the head of the nail hasn't been hit quite as hard by any of the other social pundits who offer up commentary on the state of affairs among men and women!
    There is probably more truth to your words than many women, or men for that matter, care to admit. I see your point and believe you/me, in the midst of my work in social services, I have heard it from many a woman. Not that these women are necessarily so called 'Christian women', these are women who are trying to make a way in life and are pushed into circumstances that, on most occasions, have them to compromise their values and in many cases cut against the grain of their philosophies of life. It's a horrid condition for a woman to feel that in order for her to partner with a man that she has to corrode her morals. This, for all intent and purpose, portrays many men to be not just shallow individuals but remarkably selfish and egomaniacal. Oh, I hear “the noise” from the guys who are seeking services for many reasons, how they need for a woman to be a particular way or how easy the church girls are. This is especially true in my encounters as a prevention healthcare specialist. More times when questioned about the behaviors that put them at risk for STIs, men will admit that sexual conquests are at the top of their lists. Many have no regard for much of what a woman is about, not even the fact she might have an STI herself.
    Along with society influencing our behaviors, many of us have not imagined that the spirit at the center of our existence needs nurturing. For women, it would seem, there are a host of things that should and need to be considered when choosing to date or even engage in conversation with men these days. And if she is a good Christian woman then she has to realize...it's a mine-field out there! I try to pay close attention to my sisters, my women friends and acquaintances, to have discussions about today’s trends and fads. Many of them are Christian women and I like to feel that they all are…good women!

  2. I agree with your post a lot. Friends are the great ones who can help us with everything and this is dedicated to all the great ones out there