Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Sex Is More Than Just Sex

This was Jermaine and Sasha’s third date. After a wonderful dinner at Houston’s, they returned to her house for dessert. Sasha had baked a strawberry cake she wanted him to try.  Her mother always told her that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach and Sasha wanted Jermaine to know that she had culinary skills. They sat and talked and laughed over cake and coffee for quite some time. It was obvious that Jermaine enjoyed the cake.  He even asked for seconds. Sasha laughed as he used the pads of his fingers to pick up the crumbs and remnants of the thick strawberry icing on his plate. He didn’t leave anything. Sasha yawned, then  looked at the clock and realized that it was shortly after midnight. Where did the time go? 
“It’s getting late,” she said. “And I have to get up early tomorrow.”
Jermaine rose from his seat. “You’re right. Time just seems to fly by when we’re together.”
“It most certainly does. I had a wonderful evening. Dinner was excellent. Thank you. Let me walk you to the door.”
“The pleasure was mine. That cake was delicious.” Jermaine picked up his plate and set it in the sink. He then grabbed Sasha by the hand.  They walked, while smiling at one another, from the kitchen to the front door. This was one of the best dates Sasha ever had!
They reached the door and stood there looking into one another’s eyes. “I hope to see you again soon,” said Sasha. “Good night and text me when you make it home to let me know that you arrived safely.”
Instead of responding, Jermaine pulled Sasha closer and kissed her passionately. “You are an amazingly beautiful woman. I knew the moment I saw you that I had to get to know you better.”
           Sasha's body grew hot.  "Th-Th-Th-Thank you,” Sasha stammered. She knew she needed to back away but she didn’t want to. She hadn’t been in a relationship in three years. She missed the closeness of a man.   
             Jermaine pulled her into him, placed his moist lips against her ear, and whispered, “This night doesn’t have to end. I know you want me. Let’s seize this moment and begin a journey that could last a lifetime. He then pressed his mouth against hers again and began to plant sweet soft kisses on her face, neck, and shoulders.
            Jermaine’s breath made Sasha's knees weak. The seductive sound of his voice made her head light. His lips sent a tingle down her spine that was working its way through the rest of her. She clasped his shirt tightly in her hands as if she was about to rip his clothes from his muscular body. Of course she wanted him.  What women in her right mind wouldn’t want a man like Jermaine who appeared to be what every woman dreams of?  Attractiveness , intelligence, a  great sense of humor and wealth were all packaged within a great body. Yet, Sasha had to ask herself was this the right time. They barely even knew each other. It was just their third date.

Timing is everything in relationships. A woman usually knows within 10 minutes to an hour after she meets a man whether or not she wants to sleep with him. That is basic physical attraction. You look him up and down, determine that you do find him physically attractive and have a few minutes of conversation to determine that he is not a Neanderthal and think to yourself, “Yep. He could get it.” However, it is our capacity to think and reason in complex situations that separates us from the animals. It is the wisdom we’ve gained--whether it be from others or personal experience--that gives a reason for pause and rational decision making.  Sleeping with a man you barely know is often unwise and could possibly have disastrous consequences.

I often speak about what I refer to as responsible dating. The concept is simple and is based on plain old common sense rather than religion. Whether you believe that fornication is a sin or not, sex although a  pleasurable  experience, is a responsibility. It is the things that can result as a result of having sex that makes it so. After the effects of reaching the BIG “O” have worn off you may experience:

1. Pregnancy 
      2. Contraction of a STD
3. An emotional/physical  bond to another human being who is unworthy of such an attachment

It is because of those three things I believe that the decision to share your body with a man deserves more than five seconds of consideration.  If any of the three occur your life could be altered forever.  Yes, I know that condoms and birth control have been created to ward against the first two. But we all know that the only 100% form of protection is abstinence. Just something to think about the next time you are in the heat of the moment. The WHAT IFS are more powerful than the I WANTS. Take the time to get to know one another before becoming intimate. You will be glad you did. If you do, you have time to determine these things:

1. If he is a good man that deserves to have access to your body and your heart.
2. If he is a good father to the kids he presently has and if he would be one to yours should things head in that direction. If he doesn't have kids how does he treat his nieces and nephews and little cousins?
      3. You can talk about what you both want out of the time you spend together.  For example, he may be looking for someone to occasionally have sex with (nothing serious) while you are looking for a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage. Wouldn’t you rather know that before sex rather than find out after having sex.  You can also observe to see if his actions align with his words. If he says he is serious about you but is always playing games, is he really serious?
4. You can both get tested for STDs and have comfort in knowing that is no longer a concern.
Sex truly is more than “just sex”.  Date responsibly.

 My Side of the Single Life is by book author Jae Henderson. Her inspirational romance novels, Someday, Someday, Too, and Forever and a Day are now available in ebook (Kindle and Nook) and paperback. Get her new ebook Things Every Good Woman Should Know Volume 1 on Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Visit Jae at, www.jaehendersonauthor.com and www.imagoodwoman.com.

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